Wow, I have changed a lot. It hit me last night at Groovin the Moo. I don't really know who I am anymore.
I feel sort of demoralised and useless - incapable of resolution and lacking the fight I used to have in me. It's kind of sad.
I used to be a really strong, confident person, didn't I? I knew what direction I was heading in. I knew what my limits were. I don't feel like I have any limits anymore. It's scary. I feel like I'm pushing myself too far.
I find myself going to further and further extremes, these days. Recently I've gone places I used to think I never would. But it doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.
I don't feel as if I have anyones expectations to live up to, but this isn't a good thing. I still want my parents to be proud of me, but I can do whatever I want when I'm out without them really knowing about it. I used to want to be good for someone, but I lost them long ago.
This is a horrible come-down.