Friday, February 19, 2010

I feel compelled

I feel compelled to write. I should probably add to my novel. That's clearly not what I'm doing. I'm here.

It was O-Fest today, which means I'm drawing ridiculously closer to university. How did this happen? I have to start learning things soon.

I had a fairly good day, which ended in a quick trip to facebook, and as a result, a huge cry in my room with my mum.

A month or so ago I would have told you with complete honesty that I was totally happy with the person I am/was. I would have said, "Sure, I know I'm not perfect, but I can see and accept all those imperfections."

Today, I would have told you that I hate myself. There is one person who never fails to make me feel this way. This disgusts me. You should not allow your happiness to rely on someone else.

I am entirely unsatisfied, but I'm hoping that uni will change things for me. Perhaps it will provide a distraction. Maybe I will meet new people.

But for now, there is nothing left.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Fuck.

FFFFFUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK.

Fucking fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fucking hell. Fucking bullshit. Fucking arsehole.

I just want to fucking... Mother fucker.

If I had only - if you would just - but fuck! You're so fucking - and I'm so fucking - and they don't even - I hate this.

This is not helpful at all. Fuck.