When I'm not doing anything.

When I'm not doing anything I feel a bit shit. Now is one of those times. I'm in between awesome things.

Yesterday I met with Megan and Patrick. We went to Freo. Meg and I had different tofu meals at the upmarkets. It was very zen.

I stayed the night with her. I wrote, and she drew, and then we watched Fantastic Mr. Fox. I wrote what I think may be called an article of some sort. It was part anger, part cynacism, and part contentment. What an odd combination.

I came home this morning and now I am looking up vegetarian recipes and sipping the lemon lime and bitters I just concocted.

This evening I am going to dinner at Mariions house with Lisa and others. We will eat before heading down to Bicton Baths to camp out under the stars and consume elicit substances.

I hate the waiting.

There's my heart.

There’s my heart.
Where?
There, on the floor.
That?
Yes.
Why is it there?
That’s where you put it
after you stood on it
after you jumped on it
after you spat on it
but guess what?
What?
I don’t need it anymore. I don’t need you anymore.

This is what I have resolved:
I am alone for a reason. There are things I have to do; things I need to achieve. I do not need anyone, but more than that, I do not want anyone. They will only get in my way.
Don't think that this is a temporary resolution. This is who I am now.

I am seious.

I am seriously thinking about what to do with my life. I don't think I'm enjoying uni as much as I should be because I am not really into my course.

I always just assumes that uni would be where I ended up, but what if it is not for me? There's nothing I want to do but write.

I wish I hadn't defered already, so I could defer now and have some time to just write without having to worry about deadlines and responsibilities for a while. Then maybe I could finish my novel and actually give it a chance. I could try my luck with publishing.

I suppose for now the smart thing to do is to stay in school and just try to get the most I can out of it.

I always make things difficult for myself >:(

Poetry.

Poetry by ~prittee1 on deviantART

Oh hello.

Oh hello blog, fancy seeing you here. It's time to review.

1. I've started university now - enjoying it for the most part. I just love being at uni. The UWA campus is just gorgeous. I'm already ahead on my assignments, but falling behind on my reading (who's surprised?).

2. I'm working two or three times a week back at Flipside. It's still good fun, and the people are cool, but it's so ridiculously busy all the time. It's stressful, and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to be doing it.

3. I've just started hockey again (played for the first time on Saturday). Next weekend I will be playing a two day competition down in Bunbury, which I am really looking forward to. Also, the plan is for me to be assistant coach for one of the junior teams this year.

4. Relatioship status is non-existant. I'm over the drama. I don't want any of it anymore. Attractive boys should stay away from me because they are just a distraction.

5. I'm taking creative writing at uni so I've been writing at least one piece every week, which I'm very happy about. My novel, however, has been put on hold due to lack of time and inspiration. People are quite annoyed at me for this, but that's life I guess.

Those five points kind of summarise my life at the moment. Is that sad?

THE END.

I feel compelled

I feel compelled to write. I should probably add to my novel. That's clearly not what I'm doing. I'm here.

It was O-Fest today, which means I'm drawing ridiculously closer to university. How did this happen? I have to start learning things soon.

I had a fairly good day, which ended in a quick trip to facebook, and as a result, a huge cry in my room with my mum.

A month or so ago I would have told you with complete honesty that I was totally happy with the person I am/was. I would have said, "Sure, I know I'm not perfect, but I can see and accept all those imperfections."

Today, I would have told you that I hate myself. There is one person who never fails to make me feel this way. This disgusts me. You should not allow your happiness to rely on someone else.

I am entirely unsatisfied, but I'm hoping that uni will change things for me. Perhaps it will provide a distraction. Maybe I will meet new people.

But for now, there is nothing left.

Fuck.

FFFFFUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK.

Fucking fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fucking hell. Fucking bullshit. Fucking arsehole.

I just want to fucking... Mother fucker.

If I had only - if you would just - but fuck! You're so fucking - and I'm so fucking - and they don't even - I hate this.

This is not helpful at all. Fuck.

I'm home.

I'm home and it feels fabulous. It's summer:

Hello heat, hello sun. I missed you, my old friends.

Every day is filled with friends and fun. It's good to have my old life back again.

On Friday I will be entering my last year of teenager-dom.

Angry.

Angry angry.

Sad.

Happy happy.

Scared.

Excited.

Overwhelmed.

2009

2009 was a good year, overall.

Let's explore it. Every month defined by one photo.

January


February


March


April


May


June


July


August


September


October


November


December


Yeah, it's been pretty sweet :)