Friday, February 19, 2010

I feel compelled

I feel compelled to write. I should probably add to my novel. That's clearly not what I'm doing. I'm here.

It was O-Fest today, which means I'm drawing ridiculously closer to university. How did this happen? I have to start learning things soon.

I had a fairly good day, which ended in a quick trip to facebook, and as a result, a huge cry in my room with my mum.

A month or so ago I would have told you with complete honesty that I was totally happy with the person I am/was. I would have said, "Sure, I know I'm not perfect, but I can see and accept all those imperfections."

Today, I would have told you that I hate myself. There is one person who never fails to make me feel this way. This disgusts me. You should not allow your happiness to rely on someone else.

I am entirely unsatisfied, but I'm hoping that uni will change things for me. Perhaps it will provide a distraction. Maybe I will meet new people.

But for now, there is nothing left.

Sunday, February 7, 2010



Fucking fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fucking hell. Fucking bullshit. Fucking arsehole.

I just want to fucking... Mother fucker.

If I had only - if you would just - but fuck! You're so fucking - and I'm so fucking - and they don't even - I hate this.

This is not helpful at all. Fuck.