I am seriously thinking about what to do with my life. I don't think I'm enjoying uni as much as I should be because I am not really into my course.
I always just assumes that uni would be where I ended up, but what if it is not for me? There's nothing I want to do but write.
I wish I hadn't defered already, so I could defer now and have some time to just write without having to worry about deadlines and responsibilities for a while. Then maybe I could finish my novel and actually give it a chance. I could try my luck with publishing.
I suppose for now the smart thing to do is to stay in school and just try to get the most I can out of it.
I always make things difficult for myself >:(
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Oh hello.
Oh hello blog, fancy seeing you here. It's time to review.
1. I've started university now - enjoying it for the most part. I just love being at uni. The UWA campus is just gorgeous. I'm already ahead on my assignments, but falling behind on my reading (who's surprised?).
2. I'm working two or three times a week back at Flipside. It's still good fun, and the people are cool, but it's so ridiculously busy all the time. It's stressful, and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to be doing it.
3. I've just started hockey again (played for the first time on Saturday). Next weekend I will be playing a two day competition down in Bunbury, which I am really looking forward to. Also, the plan is for me to be assistant coach for one of the junior teams this year.
4. Relatioship status is non-existant. I'm over the drama. I don't want any of it anymore. Attractive boys should stay away from me because they are just a distraction.
5. I'm taking creative writing at uni so I've been writing at least one piece every week, which I'm very happy about. My novel, however, has been put on hold due to lack of time and inspiration. People are quite annoyed at me for this, but that's life I guess.
Those five points kind of summarise my life at the moment. Is that sad?
THE END.
1. I've started university now - enjoying it for the most part. I just love being at uni. The UWA campus is just gorgeous. I'm already ahead on my assignments, but falling behind on my reading (who's surprised?).
2. I'm working two or three times a week back at Flipside. It's still good fun, and the people are cool, but it's so ridiculously busy all the time. It's stressful, and I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to be doing it.
3. I've just started hockey again (played for the first time on Saturday). Next weekend I will be playing a two day competition down in Bunbury, which I am really looking forward to. Also, the plan is for me to be assistant coach for one of the junior teams this year.
4. Relatioship status is non-existant. I'm over the drama. I don't want any of it anymore. Attractive boys should stay away from me because they are just a distraction.
5. I'm taking creative writing at uni so I've been writing at least one piece every week, which I'm very happy about. My novel, however, has been put on hold due to lack of time and inspiration. People are quite annoyed at me for this, but that's life I guess.
Those five points kind of summarise my life at the moment. Is that sad?
THE END.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I feel compelled
I feel compelled to write. I should probably add to my novel. That's clearly not what I'm doing. I'm here.
It was O-Fest today, which means I'm drawing ridiculously closer to university. How did this happen? I have to start learning things soon.
I had a fairly good day, which ended in a quick trip to facebook, and as a result, a huge cry in my room with my mum.
A month or so ago I would have told you with complete honesty that I was totally happy with the person I am/was. I would have said, "Sure, I know I'm not perfect, but I can see and accept all those imperfections."
Today, I would have told you that I hate myself. There is one person who never fails to make me feel this way. This disgusts me. You should not allow your happiness to rely on someone else.
I am entirely unsatisfied, but I'm hoping that uni will change things for me. Perhaps it will provide a distraction. Maybe I will meet new people.
But for now, there is nothing left.
It was O-Fest today, which means I'm drawing ridiculously closer to university. How did this happen? I have to start learning things soon.
I had a fairly good day, which ended in a quick trip to facebook, and as a result, a huge cry in my room with my mum.
A month or so ago I would have told you with complete honesty that I was totally happy with the person I am/was. I would have said, "Sure, I know I'm not perfect, but I can see and accept all those imperfections."
Today, I would have told you that I hate myself. There is one person who never fails to make me feel this way. This disgusts me. You should not allow your happiness to rely on someone else.
I am entirely unsatisfied, but I'm hoping that uni will change things for me. Perhaps it will provide a distraction. Maybe I will meet new people.
But for now, there is nothing left.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Fuck.
FFFFFUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK.
Fucking fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fucking hell. Fucking bullshit. Fucking arsehole.
I just want to fucking... Mother fucker.
If I had only - if you would just - but fuck! You're so fucking - and I'm so fucking - and they don't even - I hate this.
This is not helpful at all. Fuck.
Fucking fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fucking hell. Fucking bullshit. Fucking arsehole.
I just want to fucking... Mother fucker.
If I had only - if you would just - but fuck! You're so fucking - and I'm so fucking - and they don't even - I hate this.
This is not helpful at all. Fuck.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I'm home.
I'm home and it feels fabulous. It's summer:
Hello heat, hello sun. I missed you, my old friends.
Every day is filled with friends and fun. It's good to have my old life back again.
On Friday I will be entering my last year of teenager-dom.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2009
2009 was a good year, overall.
Let's explore it. Every month defined by one photo.
Let's explore it. Every month defined by one photo.
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Yeah, it's been pretty sweet :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I feel.
I feel wonderful.
I woke at 6:30 this morning, because I had to catch the 7:45 bus to school. I didn't want to get up so I tried to reset my alarm to 7, for an extra half hour of snoozing. The buzzer kept going off anyway, even though the little hand was no where near the alarm hand. "Oh crafty alarm clock," I thought to myself, "You have bested me again."
It was dark at the bus stop but I felt lovely and fresh, even though my nose was extraordinarily cold. When we were driving I was looking at the little hills covered in snow and thought they looked just like the sand dunes at home in the dimness of the morning.
I just got home from the Christmas party at school. I did not enjoy that. I'm tired of standing on the edge of a group pretending to have friends. But I'm going home so soon.
I left a little early so I could run to the shop to get shampoo, toothpaste and cashew nuts before my bus arrived. I slipped on the icy path and laughed very loudly. People looked at me like I was crazy.
It's very windy outside and it's swirling the snow around as it falls, and blowing it off the roof in huge sheets. It's all very pretty.
I'm content, and I'm looking forward to a cosy family Christmas and an explosive New Years Eve.
Life is glorious.
I woke at 6:30 this morning, because I had to catch the 7:45 bus to school. I didn't want to get up so I tried to reset my alarm to 7, for an extra half hour of snoozing. The buzzer kept going off anyway, even though the little hand was no where near the alarm hand. "Oh crafty alarm clock," I thought to myself, "You have bested me again."
It was dark at the bus stop but I felt lovely and fresh, even though my nose was extraordinarily cold. When we were driving I was looking at the little hills covered in snow and thought they looked just like the sand dunes at home in the dimness of the morning.
I just got home from the Christmas party at school. I did not enjoy that. I'm tired of standing on the edge of a group pretending to have friends. But I'm going home so soon.
I left a little early so I could run to the shop to get shampoo, toothpaste and cashew nuts before my bus arrived. I slipped on the icy path and laughed very loudly. People looked at me like I was crazy.
It's very windy outside and it's swirling the snow around as it falls, and blowing it off the roof in huge sheets. It's all very pretty.
I'm content, and I'm looking forward to a cosy family Christmas and an explosive New Years Eve.
Life is glorious.
Friday, December 18, 2009
So here's me.
So here's me taking a break from writing to... Write.
Well, I don't know what else I expected. Writing is all I can do.
I feel a bit like I'm going insane, but I expect that's down to being sick and exhausted. My sleeping patterns are all messed up again. I am tired, but I can't sleep. I tried. I can't.
It's 4:30am.
Last night I was at the window watching the snow falling and crying. I didn't remember how I got there. I'd been on the couch moments before.
An hour ago I found myself standing up, holding a plate in one had and a sandwich in the other, watching one of the cats playing with a bug it'd found. I don't remember making a sandwich.
Maybe I'm sleep walking or something.
I have this weird sensation of time passing really really slowly, but also incredibly fast. I've had it before, many times. It makes me feel queezy.
I'm writing my SRP still but it's difficult it's turning into a debate. I'm arguing with myself about Nature vs. Nurture, Savagery vs. Civilization, Good vs. Evil.
I feel young, but not in the carefree, I-have-my-whole-life-ahead-of-me (which I do) way. It's different. It's strange.
I'm sick of thinking and writing sequentially. Life isn't like that. Not really.
Have I been watching too much Ashes to Ashes?
Well, I don't know what else I expected. Writing is all I can do.
I feel a bit like I'm going insane, but I expect that's down to being sick and exhausted. My sleeping patterns are all messed up again. I am tired, but I can't sleep. I tried. I can't.
It's 4:30am.
Last night I was at the window watching the snow falling and crying. I didn't remember how I got there. I'd been on the couch moments before.
An hour ago I found myself standing up, holding a plate in one had and a sandwich in the other, watching one of the cats playing with a bug it'd found. I don't remember making a sandwich.
Maybe I'm sleep walking or something.
I have this weird sensation of time passing really really slowly, but also incredibly fast. I've had it before, many times. It makes me feel queezy.
I'm writing my SRP still but it's difficult it's turning into a debate. I'm arguing with myself about Nature vs. Nurture, Savagery vs. Civilization, Good vs. Evil.
I feel young, but not in the carefree, I-have-my-whole-life-ahead-of-me (which I do) way. It's different. It's strange.
I'm sick of thinking and writing sequentially. Life isn't like that. Not really.
Have I been watching too much Ashes to Ashes?
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